I finished another sacred journey last night. It was powerful and yet mild at the same time.
In the midst of the journey, a vision came to me of my own heart, and it was encaged in a sturdy egg-shaped bird cage of thick wrought-iron bars. Locked within this cage, my heart was beating with all my untapped potential: the changes that I wished to make, how I wanted to improve, and the strength and determination to make all those changes. For a brief moment, it was crystal clear to me, in each area of my life, what I needed to do to right a wrong, fix a problem, or create brilliance.
Seeing my own process – where I am in my life, and all that I want to improve and create – I realized that I needed to simplify my next step. To take all these changes and actions back into my life, would shortly result in overwhelm, frustration, and abandonment of all my good intentions. Instead, I decided to choose one thing from the journey that I could bring with me – one action item, one process, one shift that I could stay with and nurture and nourish.
In that moment, with all my untapped potential laid out before me, I chose my yearning for self-improvement. A yearning that once filled me on a daily basis as a teenager when I dreamed of all the places I would see, the accomplishments I would achieve, the relationships I would create. A yearning that I rarely felt anymore, and when it did arise, was fleeting and ephemeral. When the yearning has been absent from my life, I’ve stopped looking for God, stopped wanting to heal, stopped dreaming. I’ve accepted the perceived mediocrity of the present, and I’ve succumbed to the hopelessness of pessimism.
It is my hope that by choosing to nurture my yearning for self improvement, it will begin a chain reaction within my soul. Cultivating my yearning for self-improvement is the first tumbler falling into place in the lock of my soul. Once it is in place, other changes will follow: more tumblers falling into place. Ultimately, the lock will open and I will once again be re-united with my true self.
So each and every day, I devote myself to cultivating the growing fire within my heart: my yearning for self improvement. I don’t know whether I will practice this for 7 days or 21 days or 90 days. I will grow this fire into a flaming fireball of yearning and craving within me, one that may be my constant companion throughout my days.